Spacewater.US

INTERN generally demurs from writing about fiction queries, because that subject is already covered so expertly by blogs like queryshark, pitch clinic and others. But over the past few months, INTERN has been seeing pretty decent fiction queries, followed up by really awful (or almost good, but not quite—which is more awful than truly awful) fiction chapters, and little stores of irkdom and despair have been building up in her heart. Then there was the Writing Retreat, where much Fiction Writing Advice was bandied about, and many of the recurring characteristics of these pseudo-interesting submissions suddenly made sense.

Hence, INTERN is declaring the next 7-10 days (or however long it takes to write 7 posts) F&M week (Fiction and its cousin, Memoir).

Topics to be covered include: higher metaphors! those pesky organisms called characters! suspense—yes, even memoirs need it! how not to write for kids! (in case you haven’t been listening to Editorial Anonymous) how to make $ writing while you’re waiting for that huge book deal! and so much more! there will be jousting and pancakes, too.

PS. Why don’t you read The Rejectionist? Tis a lark!

PPS: OK, for anyone interested, the First Chapter Jousting Match is, indeed, still on and running until 5 PM tomorrow (thursday). Rules are still: send INTERN the first chapter of your unpublished novel or memoir and $10 (internspills @ gmail.com) on paypal. If it’s cooked (i.e. ready to be submitted to an agent or editor as a sample chapter), INTERN sends you $20. If it’s uncooked, you get $10 credit towards any editing service by INTERN. The clock is a’ticking!

Update:INTERN has been getting lots of Fiction jousters, but so far no Memoir jousters. What’s going on? Onwards, brave memoirists!

Anti-health-care-reform activist, reportedly injured in a fight at a town hall meeting last week, is collecting donations to pay his medical bills because he was recently laid off and lost his health insurance.

From an Investor’s Business Daily editorial arguing against the current U.S. health care reform proposals:

The U.K.’s National Institute for Health and Clinical Excellence
(NICE) basically figures out who deserves treatment by using a
cost-utility analysis based on the “quality adjusted life year.”
One year in perfect health gets you one point. Deductions are
taken for blindness, for being in a wheelchair and so on. The more
points you have, the more your life is considered worth saving,
and the likelier you are to get care.

People such as scientist Stephen Hawking wouldn’t have a chance in
the U.K., where the National Health Service would say the life of
this brilliant man, because of his physical handicaps, is
essentially worthless.

Stephen Hawking was born and has lived his entire life in the U.K.

(Via Josh Marshall.)

Last night, 1 AM

Techie Boyfriend: Does it ever bother you that we have no fridge magnets?
Sleepy INTERN: Sometimes, I guess.
Techie Boyfriend: It bothers me in the extreme. We keep putting it off. We’re never going to get fridge magnets unless we do it right now. Let’s go.
Sleepy INTERN: But it’s 1 AM!
Techie Boyfriend: Perfect. Walgreens is open until 2.

This morning, 9:30 AM

Very sleepy INTERN: (struggles under weight of 41 memoir proposals) Why are we getting so many of these right now?
Editorial Assistant: It’s August.
V. s. I: So?
Editorial Assistant: Think back nine months.
V. s. I: Mmm…December? What happens in December?
Editorial Assistant: People start writing memoirs in December. It takes them about nine months to finish. Then we start getting proposals in August.
V. s. I: They don’t REVISE?!?!?
Editorial Assistant: (calls over her shoulder to Assistant Editor) Isn’t she cute?

This morning, 10:30 AM

Very very sleepy INTERN: (going to water cooler to fill mug) …
Head Ed: You look tired.
V.v.s.I: I was up all night selecting and arranging fridg—um, insomnia.
Head Ed: You know what you should do?
Vvvs I: …
Head Ed: (pulls flier off desk) Ekstatik dancing. You’re probably suppressing one of your rhythms. Tonight at 8. Do it.
Vvvvs I: (*how about some ekstatik napping on that red couch?*) Wow. That sounds splendid.
Head Ed: We did a book about it a few years ago.

Coming soon: 7 Days of Fiction Boondogglery. INTERN has been suppressing the urge for too long.

They plan to keep redirecting existing tr.im URLs through the end of the year, but after that, they’re all dead. And people ask me why I wrote my own URL shortener for DF’s Twitter account.